on not knowing

photo of andrew wyeth's christina's world from a visit to the MoMA

i've been pretty absent from the blog front lately, mostly because these past few months have been really hard. i've been going through some things that are truly challenging and this semester has been a struggle. through the years i've probably had a million sunday school lessons on trials and being tested and growing from these experiences and those are great, but in the moment, it's not easy to see how you're going to learn and grow and appreciate these hardships later on. right now i'm in the middle of this, and it sucks and it's hard and i don't know why it's happening to me or when it's going to be over.

not knowing is hard. being in the middle of something so difficult and not knowing why is tough. i don't know when this will get easier or be over or what i'm supposed to learn from it, and that is really frustrating.

but in thinking about all this, i've realized that not knowing is what allows us to have faith. i came across this talk recently, and found it really comforting. there may be a lot of things i don't know, but there are some things i'm sure about. the important things. i know that my heavenly father loves me and that he has a plan for me. i know that he's aware of me and mindful of what i'm going through. i know that he's there to help me through this.

i do know that whosoever shall put their trust in god shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions. alma 36:3

i may not know everything, but he does. he knows exactly what i need and what's best for me. and you know what? as long as i'm sure of that, i'm okay with not knowing.